Spinning Plates and Furrowed Brows
This is a bit of a 'debrief' posting just so you know...
Hoping to come out here relationally, we established ourselves with the local church and a few other folks before we came this time. This has been both a blessing and a curse, the details of which I could go into on a personal basis.
Our time in Thailand has for sure had its ups and downs, but overall it has felt a bit chaotic and not-as-we-expected. That is not always a bad thing; in fact, it is often a good thing. But this trip has possibly tipped the scales in the opposite direction as far as this goes.
I think we hoped for too much. We hoped to set a sustainable rhythm of life that included working, volunteering, hosting others, serving/learning in the local church, resting, and reading. Our first two weeks established that we would not be setting up any such rhythm. So we opted for flexibility. But such flexibility left us floundering in some ways.
Then, once no longer sick, we left the country for an excursion that perhaps wet our appetite for something that was not to be found in the Thailand we have known thus far. Now we are back and in our last week and we want to make up for all the lost time in all of the above areas (work, volunteering, resting, etc...).
What do you do with disappointment when you feel that you have done the best you could do? We came here to build relationships, bless people, and expand awareness of the needs of our neighbors across the world. I guess we have done that in small ways, but damn, don't I long for some great project to have been completed in our name! There is my ego again.
I don't know if qualifiable results is an American ideal or just a human one, but it has had its stranglehold on me for the last part of this trip... for me and for the others of us that are/were here in Thailand. Wanting to be a good host, I wanted for people to feel as though they made a difference. They did. And those here still are... but again, the small things don't always seem to measure up to any one giant thing.
Not sure where this post is going, but I felt like it was a necessary sidenote to keep everyone in the loop. I don't feel as though this trip was a waste or was misguided and who knows what will happen during our final week here with Heath and Rhianon and Lisa... and I guess that is where this post is going: please pray for our remaining time here.
We have sustained a good relationship and built repoire with Jan (whose fence we helped rebuild back in March) and she has allowed us into her sphere of influence with some orphans. Yesterday was spent kicking a soccer ball and playing on the swingset and teaching Thai and English.
We also would love to figure out how to communicate with our groundskeepers here at the house. They have been so kind to us and we would love to bless them in some way.
We feel a burden for the churches we are working with out here. There are so many remnants of some of the worst parts of American XNity out here... but we cannot seem to navigate our way through this, whether it be to confront or avoid. God help us.
Ben and Chara are home now and I am sure might post some reflections soon... so make sure you check it out.
Who am I to understand your ways, O Lord?
But who am I just to sit here and do nothing at all?
When I'm of you and they're of me
This creation-wide family
God help us
Try to open our eyes
Hoping to come out here relationally, we established ourselves with the local church and a few other folks before we came this time. This has been both a blessing and a curse, the details of which I could go into on a personal basis.
Our time in Thailand has for sure had its ups and downs, but overall it has felt a bit chaotic and not-as-we-expected. That is not always a bad thing; in fact, it is often a good thing. But this trip has possibly tipped the scales in the opposite direction as far as this goes.
I think we hoped for too much. We hoped to set a sustainable rhythm of life that included working, volunteering, hosting others, serving/learning in the local church, resting, and reading. Our first two weeks established that we would not be setting up any such rhythm. So we opted for flexibility. But such flexibility left us floundering in some ways.
Then, once no longer sick, we left the country for an excursion that perhaps wet our appetite for something that was not to be found in the Thailand we have known thus far. Now we are back and in our last week and we want to make up for all the lost time in all of the above areas (work, volunteering, resting, etc...).
What do you do with disappointment when you feel that you have done the best you could do? We came here to build relationships, bless people, and expand awareness of the needs of our neighbors across the world. I guess we have done that in small ways, but damn, don't I long for some great project to have been completed in our name! There is my ego again.
I don't know if qualifiable results is an American ideal or just a human one, but it has had its stranglehold on me for the last part of this trip... for me and for the others of us that are/were here in Thailand. Wanting to be a good host, I wanted for people to feel as though they made a difference. They did. And those here still are... but again, the small things don't always seem to measure up to any one giant thing.
Not sure where this post is going, but I felt like it was a necessary sidenote to keep everyone in the loop. I don't feel as though this trip was a waste or was misguided and who knows what will happen during our final week here with Heath and Rhianon and Lisa... and I guess that is where this post is going: please pray for our remaining time here.
We have sustained a good relationship and built repoire with Jan (whose fence we helped rebuild back in March) and she has allowed us into her sphere of influence with some orphans. Yesterday was spent kicking a soccer ball and playing on the swingset and teaching Thai and English.
We also would love to figure out how to communicate with our groundskeepers here at the house. They have been so kind to us and we would love to bless them in some way.
We feel a burden for the churches we are working with out here. There are so many remnants of some of the worst parts of American XNity out here... but we cannot seem to navigate our way through this, whether it be to confront or avoid. God help us.
Ben and Chara are home now and I am sure might post some reflections soon... so make sure you check it out.
Who am I to understand your ways, O Lord?
But who am I just to sit here and do nothing at all?
When I'm of you and they're of me
This creation-wide family
God help us
Try to open our eyes
posted by Ryan Lee Sharp at 3:36 AM
5 Comments:
Hi Ryan and Holly,
This is no token encouragement... It's just some thoughts that resonated with me, as I read your entry... I am at a stage of my life, where I feel a certain frustation with how intractable certain situations, or relationships are... how we cannot always ensure things work out the way we expect or hope for. St. John of the Cross, spoke of detachment, the giving up of all our most clever crutches,both the humanly habitual ones, and the religious ones we learnt in "Christianity"... I say that you guys did good... I had a most humanizing experience being with you guys in that short time in KL... You have 'let us be' in M'sia & Thailand... and this is as they say, the gospel of Christ...
First of all damn our western (and I believe it is of western origin) desire for tangible results. On my trip to Central america I wished every moment could have been meaningful but there are only so many moments to have especially in a place where you don't know anyone and don't speak the langauage. Its funny how we judge ourselves more harshly when we are in situations like this. A fiction book I recently read about two travellers trying to make a difference by giving money to poor people stood out to me as I read your post. Here's a quote: "Every time something is observed and not fixed, or when one has the chance to give in some way and does not, there is a lie being told." As long as we are doers, we will learn better how to fix as we go along, the truth of Christ will be told.
meaningful... ahhh what is that? I am the worst at quoting things, terrible, I don't even know why i try, but i think it was Victor Hugo who said something like, "for a philosopher meandering is the best spending of time." meaning... a lot of people see it as a futile waste... but good things are first birthed in the meanderings. Anyway, I wish i could talk to you kids because I've had a lot of thoughts about things i know plague your hearts... i'll write you an email when i get in bangkok... so, expect a long one in two months or so! :)-EmmA
Be encouraged. I don't even know who you guys are, but Rhianon and Heath told me about your blog, and it's been encouraging to me to hear your reports and see South Asia through your eyes and experiences...wish I could join you! For now God has me here in Michigan, but my eyes wander all over the earth, and love hearing what others are doing for HIM. Thanks for taking a brave step to answer His call and be His servants. Say Hi to Rhianon and Heath for me. I'm praying for you all. for HIM, Faith :-)
I just wanna say Amen to Kia Meng (aporetic).. you guys did good indeed,
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